Port versus Port

            VS 

Hey everyone!! 

So in my fantasy world, I would opt for the port on the left.  In fact I would dock my boat after an early morning sail, and relax in my rope hammock that is hanging in between the two palm trees. I would also be sipping a long island iced tea that was so generously given to me at the blue and white striped tiki bar.  Ahhh, what a life that would be.

Alright, well in reality I got to enjoy the lovely port on the right!!! Here's a little recap of how my Monday morning went. BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP - "Jilly! It's 5:30," my mom whispers in her soft spoken voice.  Now Elllie, whom I call my mother and she loves it, is probably the best mom in the world and no one could ever get mad at her. Well, I yelled at her, "Are you kidding me?? People shouldn't be living at this time in the morning." 

"Yes, I know Jill, But, that's what time you asked me to get you up at, she responds." Well of course I would ask her that, this was going to be my last real shower for the next 10 days.


Anyways, so my mom and I make our way to Hotel Dieu, or as I like to refer to it, the Dirty Dieu.  Upon our arrival, I am directed to the 5th floor, in a small waiting room, probably about the size of a bathroom.  It is here that I meet this little old lady and her husband.  She is wearing a blue head wrap - so I know she must have cancer.  Next thing I know I can hear her talking about my oncologist. Woo hoo!! We have something in common. So, me and the old lady in the blue head wrap talked for a bit until she was called away.


I finally get called into this bedroom like area.  There are six beds in this room that are approximately 3 feet apart.  On each bed there is a hospital gown, a blanket, booties, and a black garbage bag to put all your belongings in.  The nurse tells me to undress down to my undies and put the gown on. 

My nurse comes back into my little area and she proceeds to tell me how sad she is for me and that I'm too young to have breast cancer. Yadda Yadda Yadda!! I know lady, I've heard this a million times. So she starts and IV in me which just so happens to be in the same vein that my chemo was administered through.  Not only do I have cancer, but I guess I have bad veins too. I'm so blessed..haha. The nurse leaves and says she's paged the doctor and that it would only be a matter of time until they come and get me.  While I was waiting, she started a course of antibiotics to help reduce future infection. So my mom and I waited, waited, and waited.  I was talking up a storm, like I normally do, and all of a sudden I looked over and my mom is SLEEPING!!! "MAMA!!!" She acted like she wasn't sleeping but common, after all that head bobbing, I know exactly what she was doing.  I guess I can't blame her.  After all, it was 6:30am.  I told her there was a Tim Horton's downstairs and to go get a coffee while I was being ported.


This goofy looking man finally comes in my curtained area. "Alright Jill, we are all ready for you!" Off I go down into the basement into this room that is labelled "Special Procedures." I didn't know the port surgery was special.  Had I known this I would've dressed for the occasion. My mom was still with me at this point and we ran into the old lady with the blue head wrap.  She was telling me that she was having her port removed. Lucky lady!  Then the nurse came out and gave me the cookie cutter version of how they were putting the port in. "We will make a small incision on the opposite breast, but we will make it a littler lower because we know the latest fashion has girls wearing their shirts a little lower these days. Oh and you will  only be sedated." Woah woah woah....first of all, clearly I haven't been wearing any sort of low cut shirt.  I mean I don't wanna show off these battle wounds. Second of all, you're only going to sedate me. I quickly responded "well I'm super nervous, can and I don't want to know what's going on, so can you make sure I'm heavily sedated." After 3 surgeries, I know what I want and how much I want.

They quickly shewed (sp?) my mom off and I told her to go get a coffee so she didn't fall asleep again while waiting for me. I was wheeled into this room where all the nurses and doctors were wearing darth vador outfits.  I guess this was to protect them from the radiation.  They draped this blue blanket over my head.  It kind of reminded me of how they cover women who are having a c-section.  All of a sudden I felt this tingling, burning sensation in my wrist.  ITS DRUG TIME!! A few minutes pass, and I felt absolutely nothing. This is not good.  This nurse then asked me, "How do you feel hun?" I snap back "Well, other than being claustrophobic from this blue blanket I feel totally fine." "Give her more drugs," the male nurse pipes up.  He would have been semi-hot had he not smelled like an ash tray. The tingling, burning sensation happened again. All of a sudden I could feel them cutting my chest (mind you they froze it before). and goodnight.......


I woke up immediately after the procedure was done. I felt great..WoW that was soo easy, no pain, no nothing. Why did I make such a big deal about this? Ya, that question was answered until later on.


The nurse told me they would wheel me back up to the 5th floor and go notify my mom I was all done.  Given that I was still loopy, I told them to wait a bit, because she was probably still at Timmy's getting a coffee. I mean in my head, the surgery only took 5 minutes. Oh Silly Jilly.


So back on the fifth floor I went and into the "bedroom" again.  It was hopping in there..woo hoo. I'm pretty sure if I reached out of my bed I could touch the person next to me. Only the best at the Dirty Dieu. So I zoned in and out because I was still heavily sedated.  Where was my mom?  Why was she taking so long at Timmy's?  I hope she didn't fall asleep again? The nurse came back and asked me what I would like to drink.  I guess apple juice it was.  So she brought me an apple juice and a digestive cookie. I had two sips of the juice and put the cookie in my mouth.  I passed out again and when I woke up I clearly hadn't chewed the cookie, because it was still in my mouth. Oh boy!  

Finally, my mom showed up in a huff and said no one came to get her after my surgery.  She thought I had one of my heart attacks again (for those who don't know, I have a heart condition that causes these mini heart attacks).  She was pissed to say the least. So she sat in the 2 by 4 curtained area and the nurse came back and said we have to wait 2 hours before I could leave. In addition, she told my mom not to be alarmed is I repeated things.  WTF?? Excuse my language 2 hours??  Well I might as well go back to sleep...so I did.  My mom was soo patient with me.


I woke up at 12pm and the first thing I said to my mom was "I wanna go home". "Yes, Jill, but the nurse said 2 hours." Evidently, I was stilled drugged up because I proceeded to tell her  over and over again that I wanted to go to the states shopping for new fall clothes and that I wanted a brown leather Michael Kors purse.  She just agreed with me.  What else could she do?? I was being "repetitive"..heheh.

Finally, 2 hours and 10 minutes passed and a nurse came in with my garbage bag full of belongings and told my mom to go get the car. They both left and I was alone in my 2 by 4 area. Well how was I supposed to dress myself? I didn't know if I was coming or going at this point. The bra went in my purse and I somehow put my outfit back on. I sat at the edge of my bed waiting for the nurse to come back.  The last thing she said was that she was going to get the wheelchair.  I waited and waited and waited. Ohhh Dirty Dieu how I hate you!!! I could hear the nurses at their station gossiping about their friends, so I thought f that, I'm going back to bed. So, I laid back down. Eventually, I hear the nurses saying, "where's that girl?....shouldn't she have come out by now?  They came in my curtain area "Well where have u been? Duhhhh you told me you were going to get the wheelchair.  So they made me walk to the nurses station to wait for my wheelchair.  Obviously I was all wobbly because I was still high.  All of a sudden this gypsy-like lady appeared with my wheel chair.  "Ok hunnie, let's get you out of her." YES PLEASEEEE. Now I don't know if it was the drugs or the fact that they knew they forgot about me, but I swear that was the fastest wheelchair ride I have ever been on. I wanted to puke. Finally, I made my way to the front entrance, where my mom had been waiting forever. "What happened to you Jill?  Why did it take you so long?"  "Ohh mama, long story."  In the car I went and far away from the dirty dieu.  I went home and had a nice lunch and a 3 hour siesta..... Like I haven't slept enough lately.


Anyways, after my nap, I decided to take my puppy to her Agility class, despite my mom telling me not to.  I took my man with me just in case. I guess I should have listened when the doctor told me to do absolutely nothing but rest because my port started bleeding that night. Oops.  By that point, all numbing disappeared and boy was I in pain. It felt like someone punched me in the chest and choked me at the same time.  What is different about my port is that there's a second tube that weaved into the main vein in my neck. YUCK!!!!


It's now Tuesday night and I've spent the majority of my day in bed.  The port still hurts and I still feel like someone is choking me.  All this to make my chemo easier to administer. pfff could have fooled me. I'd rather be working a crazy Pasta Tuesday night at BP right now.

Well, I guess I just wrote you guys a novel and you're probably tired of reading.  So, I'm going to ice my chest, eat some pizza, and call it a night.  Until the next time!!! Love you all and thank you for your ongoing support. <3