A Day in the Life of Jill

Well I can't believe I let a month go by without blogging..I guess I better catch you all up to speed..a slow moving speed that is ;)

Needless to say, I have become a druggy ha ha kidding. I'm  just surprised my body hasn't gone into shock.   yet. Anyways, in addition to receiving chemotherapy treatments every two weeks, Jilly gets to take home these lovely cocktails of pills, drinks, and injections....I shall explain. Prior to each treatment I have to take 3 steroids, the Emend(featured in the middle) and 2 other pills in order to prevent any sort of nausea from the chemo...I continue taking these pills for 3 days after. I'm proud to say I haven't puked once since the first treatment; although I do get the dry heaves sometimes.

To the far left we have my Neupogan...oooooo it is evil I tell you. About 24 hours after my chemo treatment Ellie has to administer these Neupogan shots into my stomach.  Their sole purpose is to help increase my blood count levels because the chemo lowers them drastically. Normally, I was getting these shots for 5 days after chemo, but now I am getting them for 10 because my blood count levels were still too low.  For example, your normal white blood cell level should be between 4 and 11...mine was 0.3. In a nutshell, when your blood counts are low, you are more susceptible to infection but about a million times more serious. So if you are wondering why you haven't seen me or read a silly blog, it's because I've basically had to quarantine myself and rest rest rest. So on a funny note, because I have taken about 30 injections into my stomach lately and my blood counts have been so kaka, I've actually started to look like a pin cushion hehe. I have all these little bruises all over my stomach.  As a matter of fact, the last shot bruised pretty bad and I have this huge black and purple blotch...I would post a picture of it but my boobie doo belly is really boobying right now (I'm sure only a few of you will understand that) - I blame it on the roids hahaha

So the big medicine bottle full of liquid is actually called the Magic Mouth Wash...let me tell you there is nothing magical about it other than the fact that it looks like the Slime from the sewers in Ghostbusters 2. One of the nasty side effects from chemo is mouth sores or thrush...Luckily (knock on wood) I haven't experienced any of that yet, but I got nervous one day so I took a swig just to be cautious...They say take one tablespoon swoosh and swallow...OH MY GOSH...if there was ever a time I was going to barf...that was it...Let's just say the magic mouth was is hidden in the back of the fridge...yuck...even thinking about it triggers nausea hahaha

Anyways, the rest of the pills are just pain killers, sedatives, sleeping pills, acid reducers....you know everything a druggy would carry around.

Alright, let's stop talking about my pill-popping life he he

I have now completed 4 rounds of chemotherapy which means I am now on the countdown...4 more to go..wooo hooo On a happy note, I never have to experience the RED DEVIL ever again yay!

I'm sure many of you are probably wondering how I am doing with chemo and how I'm feeling. To be honest, I really don't want to sit here and blog about how awful I am feeling because that's just too depressing and I would feel awful if that's all you guys had to read about. So I'll make this part brief haha. Chemo is kicking my butt. Inside of the 2 weeks, I usually only get 3 days where I feel somewhat normal and the rest I am usually in bed..but even though I feel horrible most days, I know that I am saving my life and that in just a few more months I will be in remission feeling fabulous :) Ok done..no more drepessing talk

So Friday I am starting a whole new chemo drug called Taxol. I'm also getting Herceptin which isn't a chemo drug, but an antibody that will help prevent the cancer from coming back.  The Herceptin I will be on for the next year. I go there for 8am and the nurse said to prepare to be there all day. I guess each drug takes 3 hours to infuse plus and hour in between and before and after to "flush" the port....So about 9 hours in total..ewww. I better bring a book or something.

Anyways, funny story...I asked the nurse that was administering my last chemo what I should expect from the Taxol and here is a clue to what she said:

FROZEN OVEN MITTS my friends!!! So apparently while the Taxol is being infused, it attacked the peripherals right away. More specifically, the Taxol attacks the nail beds causing them to lift and get infected. So in order to prevent that, I have to wear these frozen oven mitts and occasionally dunk my hands in ice baths ...really??? Is that not the funniest thing you've ever heard..I really hope this nurse was kidding. I'll let you know how it goes though.

Anyways, not too much new with me.  I apologize this blog wasn't as silly as the other ones...more to come though.  Hope you all have a wonderful week...Thanks for all of your love and support...you all mean the world to me.  I will blog soon!

Again sorry for the bad grammar...my brain is getting fried...must be all these drugs ;)

Lots of Love
Jilly 

And Today I shall be Called.......

Britney???

GI Jane??

Amber Rose??

A Precog???

Well my friends...it has been a long time since I last blogged; mainly because these last few weeks have been rather rough on my body. But, I am back and ready for another silly post.

So, on Sunday September the 19th I went to see that new movie Easy A (funny flick) with my sister and friends. After, I had decided to go into work to do some inventory, but mostly just to visit my coworkers. Right as I was getting into the car I noticed that my shirt was just full of loose hair.  For once it wasn't my dog hair, but it was my own.  Now, typically I was used to this because I had such a lion's mane to begin with, but this time it was different.  Given that I had only one chemo treatment, it seemed a little too soon for my hair to start falling out..Then again, with my body, this shouldn't have been a shock. I continued on to work without thinking about it too too much, but clearly I knew it was happening.

The next day I woke up with the weirdest feeling in my head ever.  Girls! You know when you have a ponytail in your hair for a really long time and it feels like its pulling???...well that's what my head felt like all over, except I had no ponytail in my hair. So over the course of the next few days, I kept noticing strands of hair everywhere...Geesh I was shedding more than Molly.

The next day, I was in the bathroom and I was running my fingers through my hair when all of a sudden a huge chunk fell out..I began sobbing. Well, it was happening; I was starting to lose my hair. I cried on and off for 2 days straight; mostly while I was alone..heck I'm tearing up again as I write this. OK enough of this nonsense...let's be silly now.

So once I got over the trauma of losing my hair, I developed this weird obsession with pulling on it...I know you guys probably think I am weird, but I found it soo cool to pull out my hair. Sometimes it would just be small pieces, but other times I would grab a whole hunk just to see how much would fall out.  Mind you, it wouldn't hurt, because the hair was dead anyways.  It actually relieved some of the tingling sensation to pull it out. My sister was rather creeped out one day while we were sitting on the couch and I had a pile of hair that I had pulled out just sitting next to her....I couldn't help but laugh.  My mother, on the other hand, kept yelling at me because she thought I was rushing the hair loss process.  Ellie!! It was coming out regardless, so what if I enjoyed pulling it out.

Anyways, Wednesday morning I decided to wash my thinned out hair. Oh boy..that was a disaster.  20 minutes later I plugged the drain with clumps of hair and ended up with half a head of hair...I cried again...but then something came over me..why was I letting this hair become an obsession?? Why not just get rid of it all. So I called my amazing hair dresser Val, and I asked her if she could come over after work and just shave the rest of my head.  Her response..."do you like red or white wine?"  what an angel!!!! So Wednesday at 8pm Val came over with an ever so convenient pink buzzer and shaved my head. I laughed, I cried...it was the best darn thing that has happened to me during this whole experience.

So it's been over a week since the shave and I feel soo free. My showers have been alot shorter...and I haven't had to plug in my hair straightener 18 times a day :). So you're probably asking, what's with the title of blog?? Well, I would like to direct that answer to my wonderful boyfriend, Stu.  Besides my family, he was the first, and one of the only people that has seen my cue ball head.  The first thing he said to me was: "Jill, now you look like Amber Rose and that's good because Kanye is sick!" Obviously, I was not impressed.  Then, the next day he told me I looked like the precog from Minority Report....gee thanks.  He said we have something to be for Halloween now..HA!!!.In my defense, I told him that he could never look like Tom Cruise and that in the movie, he had to carry the precog around, so he would have to carry me around all Halloween night....Let's just say, Stu stopped calling me a precog..hehe

Well, I will post a picture of my little cue ball head soon...I'm just not ready right now..heck, my dog won't even look at me..hehe Anyways, time to watch another movie!!

Looking forward to seeing everyone at the CIBC Run for the Cure and the Benefit Dinner this Sunday...you guys rock!!!

Much Love

Jilly Bean

PS I apologize for my awful grammar...I blame it on Chemo Brain :)

MERCEDES!!!!

You're probably asking yourselves...oh my did Jill just get a BENZ??? Ya right..I wish!!! But I tell you one day when I'm rich and famous, I will have a beamer, benz, and bentley...just like that song..hahaha Anyways, this post will be short and sweet.

As you all know, one of the perks of chemo means that I will lose my hair. Yes, it will be sad and dramatic the day that it happens. But, think about it this way: I will never have to shave, I don't have to worry about dying my hair,and it will take me literally 5 minutes to get ready. Most importantly, I get to wear a cool wig!

So, on Wednesday afternoon I had an appointment at this place called "You-Nique Place for Wigs" with Ellie. I had no idea what to expect!! Wendy, the owner, told me I would just be browsing the selection since I hadn't lost my hair yet and wouldn't be able to properly fit me for a wig.

Anyways, Ellie and I made our way to this place which happened to be located in Wendy's house; well, her back shed to be more specific. I walked into the shed and I was immediately surrounded by Styrofoam heads....creepy. It was like the Goosebumps book "The Haunted Mask" when Carly goes to the Halloween shop and when she leaves the room, all the 'heads' start moving. Well, after I got over my fear of the heads I realized that this place wasn't so bad; in fact, it was kind of cute.  It was very comforting and made the hair loss process not so traumatic.

I sat down in this little black chair and had the most amazing conversation with Wendy.  She too was a cancer survivor and was so full of life. She agreed with me that the insertion of the port was far more painful than any lumpectomy, mastectomy, or lymph node biopsy.

Wendy began by measuring my head..circumference, ear to ear, forehead to neck. I measured out to be a petite/average.  Ellie says "now why doesn't that surprise me." Hey I'm happy I don't have a huge head on this little body.  However, I was beginning to feel like a science project.

As I looked at the selection on the wall, I realized that most of the wigs were short and wispy; very grandma-ish.  Well of course they were because most women who have cancer are not 23 years old.  Sorry...had to vent there. Making my way down the shelf of heads, two wigs really stuck out - the first was long and blond and looked  very similar to my own - the second was a dark chocolate brown that sat approximately just above the shoulders.  I always wondered what my hair would look as a brunette; it has been at least ten years. So I tried them both on. Little did I know there were specific steps in putting a wig on: start at the top, push the band against the hair line, pull under the bones at the back of the head, then pull the two clips by the ears forward. I guess if if you don't do that, the wig puffs at the top and you end up looking like Snooki from Jersey Shore..haha

An hour and a half later, I decided to go with the long blond one. After all, it very closely resembles the normal Jill.  For all of you inquiring, I'll save the pink wig for another time. As I looked at the tag to see how much it cost, I noticed there was a name on the reverse side.  It read MERCEDES!! Are you kidding me?? My wig is named Mercedes? Are you telling me that my hair looks like a Mercedes? Well, as soon as I told my sister, she ever so bluntly told me that was a stripper name..thanks Kat.

So needless to say, Mercedes and I have established a mutual fondness for each other.  Who knows, maybe next week at this time I could be wearing her; we will have to wait and see.

Time to get back to my candy apple that I got at the apple orchard today...clearly this blog wasn't short and sweet..hahaha.....hope you all have a great weekend!!! Much love xoxo

Port versus Port

            VS 

Hey everyone!! 

So in my fantasy world, I would opt for the port on the left.  In fact I would dock my boat after an early morning sail, and relax in my rope hammock that is hanging in between the two palm trees. I would also be sipping a long island iced tea that was so generously given to me at the blue and white striped tiki bar.  Ahhh, what a life that would be.

Alright, well in reality I got to enjoy the lovely port on the right!!! Here's a little recap of how my Monday morning went. BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP - "Jilly! It's 5:30," my mom whispers in her soft spoken voice.  Now Elllie, whom I call my mother and she loves it, is probably the best mom in the world and no one could ever get mad at her. Well, I yelled at her, "Are you kidding me?? People shouldn't be living at this time in the morning." 

"Yes, I know Jill, But, that's what time you asked me to get you up at, she responds." Well of course I would ask her that, this was going to be my last real shower for the next 10 days.


Anyways, so my mom and I make our way to Hotel Dieu, or as I like to refer to it, the Dirty Dieu.  Upon our arrival, I am directed to the 5th floor, in a small waiting room, probably about the size of a bathroom.  It is here that I meet this little old lady and her husband.  She is wearing a blue head wrap - so I know she must have cancer.  Next thing I know I can hear her talking about my oncologist. Woo hoo!! We have something in common. So, me and the old lady in the blue head wrap talked for a bit until she was called away.


I finally get called into this bedroom like area.  There are six beds in this room that are approximately 3 feet apart.  On each bed there is a hospital gown, a blanket, booties, and a black garbage bag to put all your belongings in.  The nurse tells me to undress down to my undies and put the gown on. 

My nurse comes back into my little area and she proceeds to tell me how sad she is for me and that I'm too young to have breast cancer. Yadda Yadda Yadda!! I know lady, I've heard this a million times. So she starts and IV in me which just so happens to be in the same vein that my chemo was administered through.  Not only do I have cancer, but I guess I have bad veins too. I'm so blessed..haha. The nurse leaves and says she's paged the doctor and that it would only be a matter of time until they come and get me.  While I was waiting, she started a course of antibiotics to help reduce future infection. So my mom and I waited, waited, and waited.  I was talking up a storm, like I normally do, and all of a sudden I looked over and my mom is SLEEPING!!! "MAMA!!!" She acted like she wasn't sleeping but common, after all that head bobbing, I know exactly what she was doing.  I guess I can't blame her.  After all, it was 6:30am.  I told her there was a Tim Horton's downstairs and to go get a coffee while I was being ported.


This goofy looking man finally comes in my curtained area. "Alright Jill, we are all ready for you!" Off I go down into the basement into this room that is labelled "Special Procedures." I didn't know the port surgery was special.  Had I known this I would've dressed for the occasion. My mom was still with me at this point and we ran into the old lady with the blue head wrap.  She was telling me that she was having her port removed. Lucky lady!  Then the nurse came out and gave me the cookie cutter version of how they were putting the port in. "We will make a small incision on the opposite breast, but we will make it a littler lower because we know the latest fashion has girls wearing their shirts a little lower these days. Oh and you will  only be sedated." Woah woah woah....first of all, clearly I haven't been wearing any sort of low cut shirt.  I mean I don't wanna show off these battle wounds. Second of all, you're only going to sedate me. I quickly responded "well I'm super nervous, can and I don't want to know what's going on, so can you make sure I'm heavily sedated." After 3 surgeries, I know what I want and how much I want.

They quickly shewed (sp?) my mom off and I told her to go get a coffee so she didn't fall asleep again while waiting for me. I was wheeled into this room where all the nurses and doctors were wearing darth vador outfits.  I guess this was to protect them from the radiation.  They draped this blue blanket over my head.  It kind of reminded me of how they cover women who are having a c-section.  All of a sudden I felt this tingling, burning sensation in my wrist.  ITS DRUG TIME!! A few minutes pass, and I felt absolutely nothing. This is not good.  This nurse then asked me, "How do you feel hun?" I snap back "Well, other than being claustrophobic from this blue blanket I feel totally fine." "Give her more drugs," the male nurse pipes up.  He would have been semi-hot had he not smelled like an ash tray. The tingling, burning sensation happened again. All of a sudden I could feel them cutting my chest (mind you they froze it before). and goodnight.......


I woke up immediately after the procedure was done. I felt great..WoW that was soo easy, no pain, no nothing. Why did I make such a big deal about this? Ya, that question was answered until later on.


The nurse told me they would wheel me back up to the 5th floor and go notify my mom I was all done.  Given that I was still loopy, I told them to wait a bit, because she was probably still at Timmy's getting a coffee. I mean in my head, the surgery only took 5 minutes. Oh Silly Jilly.


So back on the fifth floor I went and into the "bedroom" again.  It was hopping in there..woo hoo. I'm pretty sure if I reached out of my bed I could touch the person next to me. Only the best at the Dirty Dieu. So I zoned in and out because I was still heavily sedated.  Where was my mom?  Why was she taking so long at Timmy's?  I hope she didn't fall asleep again? The nurse came back and asked me what I would like to drink.  I guess apple juice it was.  So she brought me an apple juice and a digestive cookie. I had two sips of the juice and put the cookie in my mouth.  I passed out again and when I woke up I clearly hadn't chewed the cookie, because it was still in my mouth. Oh boy!  

Finally, my mom showed up in a huff and said no one came to get her after my surgery.  She thought I had one of my heart attacks again (for those who don't know, I have a heart condition that causes these mini heart attacks).  She was pissed to say the least. So she sat in the 2 by 4 curtained area and the nurse came back and said we have to wait 2 hours before I could leave. In addition, she told my mom not to be alarmed is I repeated things.  WTF?? Excuse my language 2 hours??  Well I might as well go back to sleep...so I did.  My mom was soo patient with me.


I woke up at 12pm and the first thing I said to my mom was "I wanna go home". "Yes, Jill, but the nurse said 2 hours." Evidently, I was stilled drugged up because I proceeded to tell her  over and over again that I wanted to go to the states shopping for new fall clothes and that I wanted a brown leather Michael Kors purse.  She just agreed with me.  What else could she do?? I was being "repetitive"..heheh.

Finally, 2 hours and 10 minutes passed and a nurse came in with my garbage bag full of belongings and told my mom to go get the car. They both left and I was alone in my 2 by 4 area. Well how was I supposed to dress myself? I didn't know if I was coming or going at this point. The bra went in my purse and I somehow put my outfit back on. I sat at the edge of my bed waiting for the nurse to come back.  The last thing she said was that she was going to get the wheelchair.  I waited and waited and waited. Ohhh Dirty Dieu how I hate you!!! I could hear the nurses at their station gossiping about their friends, so I thought f that, I'm going back to bed. So, I laid back down. Eventually, I hear the nurses saying, "where's that girl?....shouldn't she have come out by now?  They came in my curtain area "Well where have u been? Duhhhh you told me you were going to get the wheelchair.  So they made me walk to the nurses station to wait for my wheelchair.  Obviously I was all wobbly because I was still high.  All of a sudden this gypsy-like lady appeared with my wheel chair.  "Ok hunnie, let's get you out of her." YES PLEASEEEE. Now I don't know if it was the drugs or the fact that they knew they forgot about me, but I swear that was the fastest wheelchair ride I have ever been on. I wanted to puke. Finally, I made my way to the front entrance, where my mom had been waiting forever. "What happened to you Jill?  Why did it take you so long?"  "Ohh mama, long story."  In the car I went and far away from the dirty dieu.  I went home and had a nice lunch and a 3 hour siesta..... Like I haven't slept enough lately.


Anyways, after my nap, I decided to take my puppy to her Agility class, despite my mom telling me not to.  I took my man with me just in case. I guess I should have listened when the doctor told me to do absolutely nothing but rest because my port started bleeding that night. Oops.  By that point, all numbing disappeared and boy was I in pain. It felt like someone punched me in the chest and choked me at the same time.  What is different about my port is that there's a second tube that weaved into the main vein in my neck. YUCK!!!!


It's now Tuesday night and I've spent the majority of my day in bed.  The port still hurts and I still feel like someone is choking me.  All this to make my chemo easier to administer. pfff could have fooled me. I'd rather be working a crazy Pasta Tuesday night at BP right now.

Well, I guess I just wrote you guys a novel and you're probably tired of reading.  So, I'm going to ice my chest, eat some pizza, and call it a night.  Until the next time!!! Love you all and thank you for your ongoing support. <3

WEEK 1: DANCING WITH THE DEVIL

Each week, I will write a little update to let you know how my treatment is going and how I am feeling. 

On Tuesday September 7th, 2010 I went the the Cancer clinic to receive my first chemo injection. I was nervous, scared, worried, anxious - my emotions were all over the map.

I walk into a room with probably 20 recliner chairs with IV cords hanging everywhere.  There are no curtains and everyone is seated together.  It's like the scene of druggie house, except these drugs are not for personal pleasure.

At this point, my port hadn't been put in yet, so my first injection had to be in my arm (well my wrist in this case). The nurse first gave my cyclophosphamide which came in bag  form. She warned me that there could be a reaction to this drug that will cause a burning and stuffy nose.  Sure enough, I reacted.  The drug is normally adminisitered on a 15 minute drip, but mine was set to 30 minutes because I'm just a little girl.  I guess 30 minutes wasn't enough because about half way through it felt as if I had got chlorine up my nose.  I couldn't stop sneezing and then my eyes watered up.  The nurse said that next time we would administer the drug for 45 minutes. Oh joy, I have to spend even more time in this place.

Once this drug finished, my sinuses began to clear up.  Now it is time for the next one.  All of a sudden I see these giant syringes filled with that looked like red water.  It almost reminded me of the "potions" my sister and I used to make when we were little when we played gypsies. (She would know what I am talking about). Adriamycin is its medical name, but for the rest of us, it is known as DANCING WITH THE DEVIL!!! Red like the devil and even works like the devil - sneaky and poisonous.

I went home from the hospital feeling rather high.  I was completely out of it.  I had a nice lunch and went to bed immeditely.  Little did I know how I was going to feel when I woke up.  I'll save you all the nitty gritty details, but let's just say it lasted for 7 hours straight. :(.

Unfortunately, I was unable to attend my grandmothers funeral due to my sickness.  I felt horrible about it too.  God bless her soul!!!!

For the next five days, I had to inject myself with these Nuepegan shots.  Their purpose is to help bring up my white blood cell count because the chemo drastically depleats it.  More side effects --> body aches, insomnia, etc.  What next?

It is now Sunday, and I must say I have made some progress.  Although I am still getting my "sick" moments, I'm not sleeping all day like I was for the first two.  However, I do have this awful, nasty taste in my mouth.  I like to refer to it as the Biaxin mouth but ten times worse.  If any of you have been on the antibiotic, Biaxin, you know exactly what I am talking about..hehe. Although I am having a down day, I feel like this blog is helping me get through my emotions.  The sun is shining and there's a beautiful breeze outside.  I might go take the puppy for a walk :).

Stay tuned for the next update!!!!  Thanks for reading :)

PS.  My head is already starting to tingle!! You know what that means??? Calling all Bicssss!!

Love you all xoxo

BREAST BOOBIE BAR CRAWL EVER

For those of you who were or were not there.  Here is a little summary of the events that made my last night out so amazing :)

I have the greatest grou of girlfriends in the whole wide world!! Team BooBie Doo, you are the most wonderful people ever.  Your hard work and dedication have made me speechless. 

These girls managed to raise thousands of dollars in order to help me financially while I am off work.  Not only will I be able to pay my bills, but I will be able to live comfortably while spending these next few months on the couch. I can't tell you how thankful I am.  I truly feel blessed.

Anyways,

The night began at Boston Pizza at 6:30!

• Food was donated by my very generous employers
• Bevies were drank
• Prizes were donated
• MARDI GRAS BEADS!!

At 8pm sharp, two magic school buses picked us up and off we went on our crawl..The next stop: Dirty Jerseys.

• More friends met up with us at this bar and more food was donated (thank you dirty jerseys)

At 9pm, the buses brought us to ABARS.  I switched buses at this point because apparently the purple bus was the place to be.  They were wild!!! READY READY Shake that Boobie Doo Shake that Boobie Doo!!!

So I decided to for-go the last bar (Woody's) and spend an extra hour at ABARS because everyone seemed to be having a great time.  We asked the drivers if they could just dop us off downtown somewhere and we would go from there.

At 10:30pm, the two giant yellow school buses dropped us off on Oullette Ave.  The bars had no idea what his downtown Windsor.  Alll they knew was that they wanted us in their bar.  Sure enough, we step off the bus and the first bar called Smybol (a members only club) asked us to come me.  Unsure about this, my besty Brie says "What can you do for us?"  SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS and more free shots.  Alright, here we go.

As for the rest of the night...well...the whole group split up...I went to meet up with the BHL boys at TABU (which was a dirty hot mess).  I must say, I kept myself  quite composed and stayed with my Boobie Doo girls for the majority of the night.

All in all, we all had an amazing night with great friends celebrating a great cause.  I love you all and I can't tell you enough how grateful I am for you putting together such a wonderful night!!!!

CIBC Run for the Cure

One of my lovely friends, Angela, took it upon herself to create Jilly Bean's Booby Buddies. We will be running this year at the CIBC Run for the Cure on October 3rd, 2010 at the Riverfront Plaza in order to raise money for Breast Cancer Research. After our long and tiresome run, Angela has arranged a booster dinner at Boston Pizza to continue our fund raising efforts.  Stay tuned for more details about this special day.

http://www.runforthecure.com/site/TR/RunfortheCure/Ontario/1551720383?pg=team&fr_id=1081&team_id=9123