Double Laser Beams all the Way

Let me present to you Laser #1 and Laser #2.

Well today marked the beginning of my next Chapter in my journey through breast cancer. This was no Star Wars ordeal, but rather a light show.

This morning I had an appointment with my family doctor as per ordered by my Social Worker.  We discussed ways to help me cope with the emotional side effects of dealing with cancer. Quick and easy, I was out in no time.

Next, I ventured on over to the Cancer Clinic with my Ellie.  I was scheduled for my first radiation appointment at 2:30 and a Cat Scan at 3.  The first picture exhibits the cat scan and the second picture resembles my radiation machine.  So I went to the main desk and informed the nurse that my appointments were rather close (and knowing how long the wait times are) and I asked her if it was possible to complete both within the given time.  To no surprise she told me that one of the three radiation machines went down today and that they were running very far behind and they would have to figure something out. At this point Ellie had gone to her scheduled appointment and I was left alone. I told her to meet me in the radiation waiting area when she was done.  So I sat down in t the waiting room with all the old men for about half an hour, when the nurses finally called me up and said that they were going to send me to my cat scan first and then come back for my radiation after because they were so far behind.  So off I went into the maze of a hospital basement and found my way to the xray department.  I grabbed my number, had a seat, and waited once again to be called up. Twenty minutes later I was called up, my information was process and was told to sit and wait AGAIN. So back to my chair I went, I watched several emerg patients stroll by in their gernies (sp?). Another twenty minutes later I was finally called into what appeared to be another waiting area.  Are you kidding me? What a joke? I was just in the room before the room..gahhhh. So here I sat with a mother and daughter duo and we began talking up a storm.  It turns out that the mother has lung cancer and the daughter was there to support her. Yadda yadda yadda. We both finally get called in.  But, oh wait, I was teased again.  I was brought into this locker sized room where a nurse started a pic line in my arm for the dye to be injected.  She told me I had to wait because Emerge patients were in there....shocking, I had to wait again. Ten minutes later I finally get into the cat scan room.  Now imagine this, the wall was all made of wood, very similar to the wood at one of the bars in Caboto. Also, the actual Cat Scan machine had this spinning, glowing lights on top...I called it the disco ball. As the nurse injected the dye into my pic line and rolled me under the circle she told me that one of the side effects of the dye was a very warm fuzzy feeling all over my body and often times patients feel like they urinate themselves, when they actually dont.  Well sure enough this is exactly what happened. I found it rather amusing. After all that waiting, the actual Cat Scan took a mere ten minutes. All done and ready for radiation. 

As I made my way back through the hospital maze, I kept thinking "Ellie must be wondering where the hell I went." On my way back to the radiation center, I was suddenly halted by this youngish guy who yelled out "Jillianne is that you?" Obviously I respond yes. "Oh there you are, we were looking for you." Well moron, I've been sent on an Alice in Wonderland adventure all across Met Hospital...sorry I had to vent. So he tells me to follow him and he would let the radiation team know I was there. Ok, so if you thought the locker room was bad, I was now placed in a breakfast nook waiting area. It had 4 chairs, no magazines, and a lot of stinky old men.  Seriously!!!! I waited, and waited, and waited. At this point I was so sick of waiting, I could feel the tears filling up in my eyes.  Just get me the fuck out of this place already. So after another extended wait time, a nurse comes and says "Okay, we need you to undress from the waist up in this one room and when you're done, go back and have a seat in the small waiting area." Not only was I have naked in the gernie gown, but I had to go back to the nook with the smelly men....now I was annoyed. Another long wait, I finally was called into the radiation room.

Laser beams away!!!! The whole process lasted approximately 15 minutes and besides not being able to move, I felt nothing. I was warned that the bad boobie would become red and I will be fatigued, but what can you do.  Finally, I could leave. The nurse asked if I had any more questions and I quickly responded "Can you please help me find my way out of this place? It's like a maze in here and I lost my mom almost an hour and a half ago.

Finally, I reunited with Ellie! Got a booklet full of appointments and off I went more irritated than anything. I have never had to sit in so many waiting rooms for such a long period of time. I'm soo glad to be home.  So Day 1 of 29 is complete, and I return tomorrow for what I hope to be a shorter day. I apologize for my grumpiness; it's been such a long day and I barely slept last night because I was so nervous.

Anyways, I just want to thank you guys for your ongoing concern. I truly do appreciate all of the love, the messages, the cards, etc. I just want you all to know that I am going through a really tough time emotionally right now.  I think this "hero" attitude I was trying to take on, finally caught up with me and I suddenly feel like I'm spiralling downwards.  So please don't take offence if I don't answer my phone, my text messages, and so forth. I know a lot of you would love to come and see me, have a movie date, or go out for dinner, but right now I just need some alone time to figure myself out; I'm feeling very overwhelmed. I don't mean to sound selfish at all, I just need to get through this bump in the road. I promise I will come to you when I am ready.  Thank you for understanding.

Well, I'm off to bed!!! I'll keep you updated soon :)

Lots of Love

Jilly